I get depressed when I eat too much and eat when I’m depressed. This is a vicious circle for me. I have been well over my fighting weight for at least 18 years. I used to be as fit the proverbial butcher’s dog when I was in my teens, enjoying most sports and rarely gaining weight above 11 stone (154 pounds). Today I am just shy of 13 stone (182 pounds). If the experts are to be believed, a man my age and height should be about 11 and a half stone (161pounds). Now that the maths is out of the way let’s have a look what went wrong.
Well, I can’t actually work out what went wrong because it cannot be traced back to any one particular point in time or be categorised in a particular way. All I can tell you is that it makes me fed up (no pun intended), and I constantly wish I was the slimmed down version of my former self. Laziness is probably the main factor. Eating healthier requires discipline and preparation. It is the easiest thing in the world to eat unhealthy food. Look at how many easily accessible types of food shops are available in your immediate vicinity today. Back in my youth I recall one very popular chip shop (Kwok On) within walking distance and I seem to recall a Wimpy in Oldham town centre and not much more. Cheap, quick, unhealthy food at knock down prices. Why bother getting the pans dirty when you can fill your boots for less than a fiver.
One of the main factors for my decline was when I changed career path aged 25. Instead of working 40 hours a week lifting heavy boxes and driving a fork lift around like I had been doing for the previous 9 years, I took up role that requires sitting down and talking a lot as well as driving around in a car between talking appointments. In the literal sense, I have probably sat on my arse for the vast majority of the last 18 years. This is the reason why I am now paying a silly amount of money to see a chiropractor.
Matt my chiropractor is an amazing guy with his bone bending skills and superior knowledge of the inner working of the human body. I also hate him. He is a vegetarian, supremely healthy martial arts expert who probably weighs about 9 stone pissed wet through. I don’t really hate him I’m just jealous of his healthy ways. Matt also transcends an inner peace which I have never encountered before in any one I have ever met. I don’t know if this is part of his training to make me part with the contents of my wallet quicker, but either way you actually feel better just talking to him. Everything he says about lifestyle, diet, exercise and all round mental approach to life makes sense. The difficult thing of course is to put these things into practice.
I do feel old before my time. I was 40 when James was born and with Daniel also on the scene now I need to be in better shape to cope with the demands that are placed on a modern parent. Last year I paid £25 a month to join Weight Watchers and I got within spitting distance of being down to the magical 11.5 stone figure. Just short of 3 pounds to be precise. Then I gave up. Because that’s what I do. And it makes me depressed which is where we started. Tomorrow I shall start again and try and use will-power, staying-power or anything else that I can find in the bottom drawer of my psyche to help me. I shall also be seeing Matt tomorrow as well with his sensible words to try and talk me into a better frame of mind to begin again.
I am tired as I write this. Mentally tired from thinking too much at work. Physically tired from trying to get my body in sync with a distorted mind. Possibly my mind is weakened by genetics. Dementia is prevalent in my family going back at least a couple of generations on my dad’s side. He passed away 2 year’s ago suffering from it. One of my brother’s I believe is bi-polar and the other is certainly an alcoholic. All 3 have or had weakened minds either by genetics or just bad luck. These things play on my mind but I would like to think I have a stronger mind that stops me from giving up and becoming a couch spud which I fear the most.
Bad diet and eating unhealthy food makes for an unhealthy mind and a weakened body. Fact. However,I have many friends who are quite possibly above the weight that they are supposed to be (according to those experts again), and they are some of the most wonderful, happy carefree people I know. So maybe it is a state of mind. I don’t know. If I overthink it, I create more questions than answers. In any event, I want to lose the 20 pounds excess I am carrying around and I shall do it before the end of this year. This is my goal. I have told you now so I have to stick with it. If you have any motivational comments, observations, tips or reality checks you would like to share, then please feel free to comment.
Wish me luck!
Dreams Burn Down 